The most important thing you can say to someone in a mental health crisis is something that shows you’re present and willing to listen, not something that tries to fix the problem. Phrases like “I’m here” and “I’m glad you’re telling me this” do more than any advice. Your role isn’t to be a therapist. It’s to stay calm, listen without judgment, and help the person feel less alone until they’re stable or connected with professional support.
Start by Listening, Not Solving
When someone is in crisis, your first instinct may be to offer solutions or reassurance. Resist that. What the person needs most is to feel heard. Ask them open-ended questions that invite them to talk: “Can you walk me through what’s been going on?” or “How long have you been feeling this way?” These questions give the person space to process out loud without feeling interrogated.
One thing to avoid: don’t ask “why” they feel the way they do. It can sound like you’re challenging their emotions or asking them to justify their pain. Instead, reflect what you’re hearing back to them. A simple formula works well here: paraphrase what they told you, then name the feeling. For example: “It sounds like you’ve had a really overwhelming week with everything at work and at home, and you’re feeling exhausted and frustrated.” This tells the person you actually absorbed what they said, not just waited for your turn to talk.
Other phrases that help:
- “It took a lot of strength to tell me this.” Acknowledges their courage in reaching out.
- “I’m really glad you’re talking about this.” Reinforces that opening up was the right call.
- “What has helped you in the past when you’ve felt like this?” Shifts focus toward their own coping toolkit without being prescriptive.
- “What do you think might help you relax or feel a little better right now?” Gives them agency over the next step.
What Not to Say
Some well-meaning phrases can actually make things worse. Telling someone to “calm down” dismisses the intensity of what they’re experiencing and often escalates the situation. Saying “everything happens for a reason” or “other people have it worse” minimizes their pain. And statements like “you just need to think positively” suggest the crisis is a choice they’re making.
Language matters in subtler ways, too. Avoid defining someone by their diagnosis. Saying “she’s bipolar” or “he’s an addict” reduces a person to a label. “She has bipolar disorder” or “he’s dealing with a substance use disorder” keeps the person at the center. Similarly, the word “commit” when talking about suicide carries echoes of criminality or sin. “Died by suicide” or “attempted suicide” is more accurate and less stigmatizing. These distinctions may seem small, but to someone in crisis, the words you choose signal whether you see them as a whole person or a problem to be managed.
How to Ask About Suicide Directly
If you suspect someone is thinking about ending their life, ask them directly. This is one of the most counterintuitive but well-supported pieces of guidance in crisis intervention: asking about suicide does not plant the idea. It opens the door for honesty.
You don’t need a special script. Simple, clear questions work best: “Are you thinking about suicide?” or “Have you had thoughts about suicide?” If they say yes, follow up calmly: “Do you have a plan?” and “Have you ever attempted suicide before?” These questions help you understand how immediate the danger is. A person who has a specific plan and access to the means they’ve described is at higher risk than someone experiencing passive thoughts like “I wish I weren’t here.” Both deserve your full attention, but the first situation calls for immediate professional help.
Stay steady when they answer. Your reaction sets the tone. If you panic or recoil, they may shut down and regret telling you.
Your Body Language Matters More Than Your Words
Research on crisis communication consistently finds that nonverbal cues carry far more weight than the words themselves. One widely cited breakdown puts it at roughly 55% body language, 38% tone of voice, and only 7% the actual words. That means how you show up physically is doing most of the work.
Move slowly. Avoid sudden gestures, pointing, or crossing your arms. Don’t crowd the person or touch them without permission. Sit or stand at their level rather than looming over them. Keep your voice low, even, and warm. Speak in short, simple sentences. If the person is agitated, your calm becomes a kind of anchor. Crisis intervention trainers describe it this way: be the source of calm, because it gets noticed. One critical rule is to make sure your words and body language match. Saying “I’m here for you” while glancing at your phone or shifting toward the door sends a contradictory message.
Grounding Techniques You Can Walk Them Through
If the person is panicking, hyperventilating, or dissociating, a grounding exercise can help bring them back to the present moment. The most widely used one is the 5-4-3-2-1 technique, and you can guide someone through it even if you’ve never done it before.
Start with breathing. Ask them to breathe with you: slow inhale for four counts, hold for four, exhale for four. Once their breathing steadies a bit, walk them through the steps. Ask them to name five things they can see around them. Then four things they can physically touch, like the fabric of their shirt or the ground under their feet. Then three things they can hear. This exercise works because it pulls attention away from the spiral of internal distress and redirects it toward concrete sensory input. You don’t need to rush through it. Let them take their time with each step.
When to Bring in Professional Help
You are not expected to handle this alone, and recognizing when to connect someone with trained support is one of the most important things you can do. If the person has a specific plan to end their life, access to the means to carry it out, or is in immediate physical danger, call 911 or your local emergency number.
For situations that are serious but not immediately life-threatening, the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline is available 24/7. You or the person in crisis can call or text 988, or chat online at 988lifeline.org. Services are available in English and Spanish, with interpreter support in over 240 additional languages. Veterans and service members can press a menu option when calling, or text 838255 directly, to reach counselors trained in military-specific issues. The old 10-digit number (1-800-273-8255) still works and routes to the same service.
You can also offer to help the person contact a therapist, call a warmline (peer-support phone lines for people who need to talk but aren’t in immediate danger), or make a plan for the next 24 to 48 hours. Sometimes the most useful thing you can say is: “Can I help you figure out the next step?”
Protecting Your Own Well-Being
Supporting someone in crisis is emotionally taxing, and it’s okay to acknowledge your own limits. You can be compassionate and present while also recognizing where your responsibility ends and theirs begins. If a situation is beyond what you can handle, saying something like “I care about you and I want to make sure you get the right support, so let’s reach out to someone who’s trained for this” is not abandonment. It’s good judgment.
After the crisis passes, check in with yourself. Talk to someone you trust about what you experienced. The weight of holding someone else’s pain is real, and you don’t earn any points for carrying it silently.