Breastfeeding aversion is a phenomenon where nursing or pumping triggers an intense, involuntary negative feeling in the parent. This reaction is distinct from general frustration or discomfort and is often described as a sudden, overwhelming wave of agitation or repulsion. This experience is reported by a significant number of people who breastfeed. Recognizing this feeling is a known occurrence can help parents validate their experience and seek appropriate support.
The Physical and Emotional Experience of Aversion
The experience of breastfeeding aversion is characterized by a wide spectrum of negative feelings that manifest during a feeding session. Emotionally, parents frequently report intense agitation, irritability, or a feeling of being trapped. Some describe the feelings as bordering on anger or rage directed at the nursing child, which can understandably lead to feelings of guilt or shame.
These intense emotional states are often accompanied by specific physical sensations. A common physical symptom is a powerful, skin-crawling feeling, sometimes described as feeling “touched out.” This sensation is typically followed by an overwhelming, immediate urge to de-latch the baby or end the nursing session. Unlike tissue pain from a poor latch, aversion is primarily a psychological and emotional response to the act of suckling itself.
Potential Factors Contributing to Aversion
A significant number of aversion cases are linked to fluctuations in reproductive hormones. The return of the menstrual cycle, ovulation, or a new pregnancy often introduces hormonal shifts that can trigger or intensify aversive feelings. Tracking these cyclical changes can sometimes reveal a pattern, suggesting a direct physiological connection to the parent’s hormone levels.
Another distinct physiological event that can be confused with aversion is Dysphoric Milk Ejection Reflex (D-MER). D-MER is a condition where a sudden drop in dopamine, occurring just before milk let-down, causes a brief period of intense negative emotions. These feelings, such as despair or anxiety, are short-lived, usually lasting only between 30 seconds and two minutes. Unlike sustained aversion, D-MER feelings are tied directly to the reflex.
General physical exhaustion and nutritional deficits also increase susceptibility to aversion. Chronic sleep deprivation can raise stress hormones and negatively impact mental well-being, making the parent less resilient to the demands of constant physical contact. Insufficient hydration or calorie intake can also exacerbate the emotional sensitivity that leads to aversive feelings.
The continuous physical demand of breastfeeding can also lead to sensory overload, especially when nursing a toddler. Constant physical touch, nipple manipulation, or intense eye contact can push a parent past their sensory tolerance threshold. This sensory burnout creates an environment where nursing becomes a psychological trigger for the desire to escape physical closeness.
Practical Steps for Immediate Relief
One of the most effective strategies for managing aversion during a feeding is to employ radical distraction. Engaging in an activity that shifts the focus away from the sensation of nursing can significantly reduce the intensity of the negative feelings. Simple techniques like watching television, reading a book, or mentally planning a future event can help the parent “power through” the feed.
Making physical adjustments to the nursing environment can also offer relief. Parents may find it helpful to change nursing positions, such as using a side-lying position, to reduce the amount of direct skin-to-skin contact. For older nurslings, setting clear boundaries, such as limiting the duration of the feed by counting or singing a short song, can provide a sense of control.
Prioritizing basic self-care is a preventative measure that can reduce the frequency and severity of aversive episodes. Ensuring adequate hydration and consuming enough calories to meet lactation demands can improve physical resilience. Actively seeking opportunities for uninterrupted sleep and rest helps to lower the general stress and fatigue that often underlie the aversion.
Communicating these feelings with a supportive partner or trusted adult is helpful. Discussing the negative emotional experience allows the parent to receive immediate relief and support after an aversive feed ends. A partner can step in to provide comfort to the child, allowing the parent necessary personal space to reset their emotional state.
Understanding When Specialized Help is Needed
While many parents manage aversion with self-care and distraction, some instances require professional support. If the negative feelings escalate to the point of causing severe depression or intrusive thoughts of self-harm, a mental health professional should be consulted immediately. Any aversion that results in the parent physically reacting in a way that risks harming the baby, such as throwing the child or biting down, is an indicator for urgent intervention.
Aversion that consistently leads to the premature end of the breastfeeding relationship, despite the parent’s desire to continue, is another reason to seek specialized help. Consulting with an International Board Certified Lactation Consultant (IBCLC) can help rule out underlying physical issues and provide tailored management strategies. IBCLCs can also help determine if the aversion co-occurs with other conditions, such as D-MER, requiring a different approach.