If someone you care about is showing signs of suicidal thinking, you can help by asking them directly, listening without judgment, and reducing their access to anything they could use to harm themselves. These three actions, taken together, save lives. If someone is in immediate danger right now, call 988 (the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline) or 911.
Ask the Question Directly
The most important thing you can do is ask: “Are you thinking about suicide?” Many people hesitate because they worry that bringing up suicide will plant the idea. This is a myth. A meta-analysis covering 18 studies found that exposure to suicide-related questions actually led to small reductions in suicidal thinking, and the effect was even stronger in adolescents. Asking directly opens a door the person may desperately need opened.
Use the word “suicide.” Vague questions like “you’re not thinking of doing anything crazy, are you?” give the person an easy out and signal that you’re uncomfortable with the topic. Being direct tells them it’s safe to be honest with you.
What to Listen For
Some warning signs are verbal. A person may talk about wanting to die, feeling like a burden to others, or carrying overwhelming guilt or shame. They might say they feel trapped, hopeless, or in unbearable pain, whether emotional or physical. These statements are not exaggerations or bids for attention. Take every one of them seriously.
Behavioral changes can be just as telling, especially when they’re new or have recently intensified. Watch for:
- Withdrawal and farewell gestures: pulling away from friends, saying goodbye in ways that feel final, giving away meaningful possessions, or making a will
- Reckless behavior: driving dangerously fast, heavy or increased substance use
- Mood and routine shifts: extreme mood swings, sleeping much more or much less, eating patterns that suddenly change
- Planning: researching methods of suicide or acquiring means to carry it out
Any one of these warrants a conversation. Several together, or any sign of active planning, call for immediate action.
How to Talk to Them
Once you’ve asked and they’ve opened up, your job is to listen. You don’t need to fix the problem, offer solutions, or explain why life is worth living. What helps most is making the person feel heard and less alone. Research suggests that acknowledging and talking about suicidal thoughts can actually reduce them.
Be direct and be hopeful. People do recover from suicidal crises. You can say things like “I’m glad you told me” or “You’re not alone in this, and I want to help you get through it.” Avoid language that adds shame. Don’t say someone is “being selfish” or that they’d “ruin” the lives of the people who love them. Guilt may be part of what’s driving their pain in the first place.
Also avoid minimizing what they’re feeling. Phrases like “other people have it worse” or “you have so much to live for” can make the person feel misunderstood and shut down the conversation. Stay with their experience instead of redirecting it.
Remove Access to Lethal Means
This is one of the most effective things you can do and one of the least intuitive. Many people assume that someone determined to die will simply find another way. The evidence tells a different story. When access to the most lethal methods is reduced, suicide rates by those methods drop, and overall suicide rates frequently drop too, because most people do not switch to another method.
When the United Kingdom transitioned from coal gas (which contained deadly carbon monoxide) to natural gas in the 1960s and 70s, suicides by gas inhalation plummeted. An estimated six to seven thousand lives were saved over a ten-year period. Similar effects have been documented with bridge barriers, pesticide restrictions, and medication packaging changes.
The reason this works is that suicidal crises are often intense but brief. Means reduction doesn’t eliminate the impulse. It keeps the person alive long enough for the impulse to pass. If someone you’re worried about has firearms in the home, ask them (or a family member) to temporarily store them elsewhere, with a trusted friend, at a gun shop, or with local law enforcement. Lock up medications. Remove or secure anything that could be used in a plan they’ve described.
Help Them Connect to Support
You are not this person’s therapist, and you shouldn’t try to be. Your role is to bridge the gap between crisis and professional care. The 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline is available 24 hours a day, every day of the year. The person can call, text, or chat online at 988lifeline.org, and Spanish-language services are available through text and chat. Counselors are trained, judgment-free, and the conversations are confidential and free.
Beyond the crisis line, help the person identify who else they can reach out to: a therapist, a doctor, a trusted family member, a faith leader, a close friend. The goal is to build a web of support so they aren’t relying on a single point of contact. If the person is in immediate physical danger or has already harmed themselves, call 911.
Follow Up After the Crisis
The days and weeks after a suicidal crisis are a vulnerable time. The acute danger may seem to have passed, but the underlying pain rarely resolves overnight. Studies show that supportive, ongoing contact after a crisis or hospital discharge plays a meaningful role in suicide prevention.
Check in. A text, a phone call, an invitation to go for a walk. It doesn’t have to be a deep conversation about their mental health every time. Consistent contact communicates that they matter and that someone is paying attention. This kind of connection is one of the strongest protective factors against suicide: feeling connected to other people.
Help Build a Safety Plan
A safety plan is a written, personalized document that a person at risk creates (ideally with a mental health professional, but you can help start one) to guide them through future moments of crisis. It typically covers:
- Personal warning signs: the thoughts, feelings, or situations that tend to precede a crisis for them specifically
- Coping strategies they can use alone: activities that help them ride out intense moments without relying on someone else being available
- People and places that provide distraction: friends they can call, places they can go that shift their mental state
- Contacts for emergencies: trusted people who know about their situation, plus the 988 Lifeline number
- A safe environment: steps to keep their surroundings free of lethal means
The plan works because it gives the person a concrete set of actions to take when their thinking becomes clouded by pain. Encourage them to keep it on their phone or somewhere easy to access.
Supporting Their Recovery
Long-term recovery from a suicidal crisis involves professional help, but it also involves the daily stuff: exercise, adequate sleep, regular meals, and time with people who are good for them. These aren’t substitutes for therapy, but they have a real impact on mood and resilience.
Encourage the person to find a mental health professional who can help them develop longer-term coping strategies and address the stressors that contributed to the crisis. Support groups, including groups specifically for people who have survived a suicide attempt, can also reduce the isolation that makes suicidal thinking worse. The person doesn’t have to pursue all of this at once. Recovery is incremental, and your steady presence through it matters more than you probably realize.