Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) is a worldwide fellowship of individuals who share a desire to recover from alcoholism by helping each other achieve and maintain sobriety. A central component of this recovery process is sponsorship, which pairs a newcomer with a more experienced member. This relationship provides essential guidance and structure to navigate the Twelve Steps and Traditions of the program. Finding a sponsor is often the first significant step toward building a stable foundation in recovery.
Understanding the Function of a Sponsor
A sponsor functions primarily as a mentor and guide who shares their experience, strength, and hope with a newcomer. The core of the relationship involves assisting the newcomer in working through the Twelve Steps, which are the path to recovery in the fellowship. Sponsors explain the steps, offer insights into their practical application, and encourage active participation.
This relationship is an informal, continuous bond between two recovering alcoholics focused on maintaining sobriety. The sponsor acts as a confidential accountability partner, especially when urges to drink become strong, by providing a nonjudgmental, understanding ear. Their guidance helps newcomers navigate the initial anxiety of joining AA and connect with the wider recovery community.
A sponsor is not a substitute for professional help, such as a therapist, counselor, or medical provider. They do not offer professional services, financial advice, or loans, nor should they impose personal, political, or religious views. The role remains focused on sharing the tools of the AA program and leading by example.
Criteria for Choosing a Sponsor
Selecting a sponsor involves looking for specific qualities and a proven commitment to recovery principles, as this person will guide a newcomer through deeply personal work. The most common recommendation is to choose someone who has achieved at least one year of continuous sobriety, demonstrating stability and insight. More time in recovery often means a deeper understanding of the program and its application to daily life.
The potential sponsor should have worked all Twelve Steps themselves, as they cannot guide another person through a process they have not completed. Having a sponsor who is actively engaged in their own recovery, regularly attending meetings, and still working with their own sponsor is highly recommended. This ensures they are connected to the program’s principles and not simply coasting on past recovery.
AA generally suggests choosing a sponsor of the same gender to eliminate romantic complications, which can derail early sobriety. This practice helps keep the focus squarely on recovery by avoiding the phenomenon known as “13th-stepping.” Beyond these guidelines, a good personality fit is important; a newcomer should look for someone whose recovery they admire and whose demeanor suggests patience, honesty, and availability.
A newcomer does not need a sponsor who shares every aspect of their background, but rather someone who has progressed further in recovery. The goal is to find a mentor who has what the newcomer wants—a happy and stable life in sobriety—and is willing to dedicate time. Discussing availability and communication preferences upfront establishes practical expectations for the working relationship.
Practical Steps for Asking
Asking someone to be a sponsor begins with observation during meetings. A newcomer should listen carefully to the shares of potential sponsors, focusing on those whose stories resonate and who speak with honesty, clarity, and peace. It is helpful to approach members who raise their hand when the group asks for those willing to sponsor.
Before making the request, introduce yourself and talk briefly with the potential sponsor outside of the meeting environment. This short conversation helps determine comfort level and personality alignment. Once the newcomer feels comfortable, the request can be a simple, direct question: “Would you be willing to sponsor me?”
If a newcomer is still unsure, they may ask the individual to be a “temporary sponsor.” This allows the pair to work together for a short period to assess if the fit is right before committing to the full working relationship. If a person declines, it is often due to their current time constraints or other commitments, not a personal rejection.
Initial Expectations of the Sponsorship
Once the agreement is made, the first steps involve establishing clear expectations and boundaries. The sponsor will initiate a discussion about communication frequency, such as how often the sponsee should call and the best times to reach them. Many sponsors suggest daily check-ins, especially in the early months, to maintain accountability and address immediate concerns.
The sponsor’s first assignment focuses on working through the First Step: admitting powerlessness over alcohol and that life has become unmanageable. This process involves assigning specific reading from the basic text of AA, often the first 43 pages. The sponsee may be asked to complete written assignments, such as listing specific instances that demonstrate powerlessness and unmanageability.
The relationship requires the newcomer to be willing to take direction and commit to doing the work, meaning they must follow the sponsor’s suggestions and complete assignments. The sponsor provides the guidance, but the sponsee must make a full effort to apply the principles and move through the steps.