About one in three American adults now sleep apart from their partner, whether in a separate bed or a different room entirely. A June 2025 survey from the American Academy of Sleep Medicine found that 31% of U.S. adults have tried what’s often called a “sleep divorce.” The practice is far more common than most people assume, and it’s growing.
The Numbers by Age Group
The AASM survey, which polled over 2,000 adults, found that younger and middle-aged couples are the most likely to sleep separately. Adults aged 35 to 44 lead the trend at 39%, nearly four in ten. That age range tracks with the years when couples are most likely to be juggling young children, demanding careers, and the cumulative sleep disruptions that come with both.
Adults 65 and older are the least likely to sleep apart, at just 18%. This gap likely reflects both generational attitudes about shared beds and the practical reality that older adults are more often retired, with fewer schedule conflicts pushing them into separate rooms.
Why Couples Choose Separate Rooms
Snoring is the reason that gets the most attention, but the full list of triggers is longer and more varied than most people realize. Mismatched work schedules are a major driver. When one partner works nights or has early morning shifts, sharing a bed means both people lose sleep. Parents of infants often split up so that only one person handles overnight wake-ups while the other gets a full night of rest.
Medical sleep conditions play a significant role too. Restless leg syndrome, insomnia, and sleep apnea can turn a shared bed into a nightly ordeal for both people. Even without a diagnosable condition, differences in temperature preference, blanket use, mattress firmness, and sensitivity to movement add up over time. One partner who runs hot and kicks off the covers while the other burrows under layers creates a nightly negotiation that gets old fast.
The Stigma vs. the Reality
Many couples who sleep apart feel pressure to keep it quiet. The assumption from friends and family is often that separate bedrooms signal a failing marriage. But the evidence points the other direction. Poor sleep reliably increases irritability, reduces patience, and makes conflict more likely. Couples who chronically disrupt each other’s rest often find their daytime relationship suffers more than their nighttime arrangement would.
The key distinction is why the separation is happening. Choosing separate rooms to solve a practical sleep problem is fundamentally different from retreating to another room because of unresolved conflict or emotional distance. When the motivation is better rest for both people, sleeping apart tends to reduce resentment rather than create it.
Keeping Intimacy Intact
The biggest concern couples raise about sleeping separately is losing the physical and emotional closeness that comes from sharing a bed. That concern is legitimate. Shared beds create natural opportunities for sex, cuddling, and the kind of unstructured conversation that happens when two people are winding down together. When you sleep apart, those moments don’t happen by accident anymore.
Harvard Health recommends scheduling that closeness deliberately. If bedtime was when you connected physically or talked about your day, carve out that time before splitting off to separate rooms. Some couples spend the first 30 minutes of the evening together in one bed, then move apart for actual sleep. Others prioritize daytime connection instead, building intimacy into mornings or evenings in ways that don’t depend on a shared mattress.
For the comfort side of things, body pillows and weighted blankets can replicate some of the security of sleeping next to another person. Some couples even call or video chat as they fall asleep in different rooms. If the transition feels awkward or creates tension, a couples counseling session can help both people talk through the emotional side of the change without it turning into a bigger conflict.
The Scandinavian Sleep Method
Not every couple needs to go all the way to separate rooms. The Scandinavian sleep method is a popular middle ground: you share the same bed but use two separate duvets instead of one. It’s standard practice across much of Northern Europe and solves several of the most common sleep complaints without any physical distance.
Two duvets eliminate blanket hogging entirely. Each person controls their own temperature and cover weight. Tossing, turning, and bathroom trips cause less disturbance because you’re not tugging on a shared blanket. It’s also significantly cheaper and more space-efficient than setting up a second bedroom. For couples whose main issues are cover-stealing and temperature disagreements rather than snoring or schedule mismatches, this approach often resolves the problem without any of the intimacy trade-offs of separate rooms.
How to Know If It’s Right for You
If you’re regularly waking up frustrated, exhausted, or resentful because of your partner’s sleep habits, that’s a stronger signal than most people give it credit for. Chronic sleep deprivation affects mood, health, and cognitive function in ways that spill over into every part of a relationship. Protecting your sleep isn’t selfish. It’s one of the most practical things you can do for the quality of your waking hours together.
Start with smaller adjustments first if full separation feels like too big a step. Try the two-duvet method, a white noise machine, or earplugs. If those don’t solve the problem, a trial period in separate rooms, with a plan for maintaining closeness, gives you real data on whether the arrangement works for both of you. The 31% of adults already doing this aren’t outliers. They’re just the ones who stopped sacrificing sleep for a tradition that wasn’t serving them.